Thursday, April 15, 2010

The last 5 months...

As of this past Monday, I have embarked on new territory in feeding Annie. Oatmeal. Okay, here's what has happened.
For some unknown reason, even to myself, I decided day 1 I was going to breast feed. Now I know this is a less than appealing topic, trust me, but I have learned a few things I think people should know.
In my last real post I mentioned selfishness, and this is one of those moments.
You see, Annie was not a super big fan of latching. I mean, she and I battled it out for weeks. I called in the professionals and even they were like, "I don't know what to tell you." I paid good money to hear that btw.
I decided to solely pump and that is what I have been doing for the last 4- 5 months. As of March I have been weening myself off b/c well, after what I have been through I think I deserve a break.
In January I got mastitis. I got rid of it with the help of modern medicine and lots of hot showers. Oh, and pumping. 2 weeks later I got mastitis on the other side, this time after two rounds of different antibiotics it had gotten progressively worse. It had actually formed an abscess the size of a baseball. At this point, I am going back and forth to Georgetown Hospital at least once a week. I had the sucker drained (I will spare you details on that whole mess) and they found MRSA had settled in for a long winters nap. On my fourth round of antibiotics and a visit to GTown twice a week for a straight month and a half, I am MRSA free and abscess free as of the end of Feb. I was there so much it got to the point that all of the nurses knew me by name and would just say, head to "your room" and I'm not even kidding.
I say all of this to say, since the beginning of March I have been slowly backing away from my pump (my new husband) and entering the world of formula. And the thing is, I am not afraid of formula or think one is better than the other, I am just stubborn. I don't like the feeling of defeat or that I didn't do what I had set out to do. And you know, through it all and all the driving back and forth, I never once minded the pain or the process. It was love. It's what I felt I had to do for her. I know that she is going to be a genius and go to Harvard or Oklahoma Christian (because they are almost the same) b/c she has her father's genes. It's one of those bonding things, I guess. It's that I could do this one thing for her. I was giving her a piece of me. I mean, she has Matt's looks, will have his brain power (Lord willing), but I could feed her. Ya know? I guess that is it. And now, here we are changing the game again with oatmeal. What's next steak? As I look back on the past 5 months with nothing but joy and watching her grow, I am so excited to see what she does next. I have learned that formula really isn't the "F" word. I have SO much more time on my hands, and she and I still bond. (who wouldn't want to bond with me? I'm fabulous!) Breast feeding drama and trauma is not worth it. I would rather her have a healthy mommy who loves her and can give her more attention than she needs than something worse. Speaking of attention: She awakes. So to you out there in the cyber world who are learning as you go like the rest of us...take it from me. It's better to love and play and be by taking care of yourself just as much as it is to take care of your little piece of precious. Play time!


Aubrie said...

That's awesome that you stuck it out that long with all of that coming with it. I only lasted 2 1/2 months because of mastitis 3 times, too. Just know that you are still doing the best thing for her which is providing for her in whatever way is best for her AND you.

myra said...

I totally hear you Jayna. I had trauma/drama with Morgandy. It was a nightmare for 5 1/2 months of trying and failing to breastfeed and get my baby to gain weight. (She was 8lbs 3oz at birth and only 10lbs at 3 months!) I felt such relief when I finally let myself let go and just went solely with formula. I also was much less emotional and stressed. It was so freeing!

I do believe that breastfeeding is a good thing for some kids (Bretton is nursing just fine). But I don't think it is the "best" for everyone.

Today Morgandy is just fine. She's super bright, very tall and healthy. Annie will be too! Good for you for doing what is best for you both!

Mandy said...

Amen Jayna! You're such a good mom, I'm very proud of you! You lasted breastfeeding much longer than I did!

April said...

Jayna, I also had lots of cases of mastitis and even got an abscess. I had to have it operated on. The drs told me I had to stop breastfeeding. LiKe you, it was always my plan to breast feed. It was hard to finally accept that it wasn't going to happen for us but in the end I know it was best for us. I'm glad that things are going better for you and you're getting to bond with your little one!